YOLMT
by StupidSequel
Summary: Stewie wants to marry Brian and Brian wants to marry Lois, so they come to the realization that since Brian is a main character, he can't die permanently, so killing Peter, Lois, and Quagmire was no big deal. They find a way to bring characters back from the dead. After Quagmire somehow comes back, he takes his revenge, and settles things once and for all.


**YOLMT (you only live multiple times)**

**Takes place right after the episode where Brian comes back.**

It was Christmas morning. This was sometime after Stewie saved Brian's life.

"Oh Brian, I'll never take you for granted again. I don't want you to die ever again!" Stewie cried.

"I won't," Brian assured him sweetly. "I will live forever and be immortal." Stewie couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.

"I wanna marry you." Stewie said.

"WHAT?" Brian was shocked, his eyes slightly bulged out, but not quite enough to be white face snakes. "Dude, I could never marry you. I am in love with Lois."

"Why do you think I wanna kill Lois?" Stewie said.

"Why do you think I wanna kill Peter?" Brian countered.

"Okay, okay, let me get this straight. You want Peter dead so you can marry Lois? How come I never knew about this? You never know what kind of secrets your best friend could be keeping from you."

**CUTAWAY**

Copper walks in on Todd masturbating to Old Lady Tweed. His eyes popped out away from his face like white face snakes.

**END CUTAWAY**

"Well, I guess this could work out. I mean, anytime anyone important dies on this show, they will return somehow. I guess we could both get what we want if we take turns."

"I suppose you're right," Brian said as he remembered his own death. "Peter is my best friend, but Lois is my bester friend, so she takes priority."

When it was night, Brian put on a black shirt, black pants, put on a balaclava, and snuck into Lois and Peter's bedroom. He needed to do this quietly. Brian got out a knife and stabbed Peter fifty times, ripped his heart out right before his eyes, eyes over easy, and ate it, ate it.

"Wha-?" Lois said, half-asleep. Brian switched to panic mode and urgently wrote a note in Peter's blood using a quill 'I killed your husband so we can be together. Love, Quagmire.' He then stuck the note on Peter and left the room just in time.

That morning Lois woke up and screamed in horror at her dead husband. A waterfall of Lois's tears rained down the stairs.

"PETER IS DEAD!" Lois screamed. "And according to the note, Quagmire did it! Surprise surprise! I am gonna kill that bastard!" She said while squeezing a watermelon with her bare hand until it popped.

"Thats... terrible," Brian said wistfully, with a small hint of fakeness to his voice that was obvious to the viewer but not to Lois.

"And what's worse is, I'm gonna be forever alone" As she said 'forever alone' she momentarily turned into the guy in the forever alone meme and then changed back. "because remarrying at my age will be like waiting for Half Life 3."

**CUTAWAY**

"Oh finally, Half Life 3 is released! Time to download it!" An excited gamer is about to click the download link just before the sun expanded into a red giant, killing all life on Earth as well as the Earth.

**END CUTAWAY**

"Lois, will you marry me?" Brian got down on one knee and proposed.

"Yes, BUT on one condition. You have to kill Quagmire for me. He's the one that killed Peter."

"Okay," Brian said coolly, tail wagging. _This won't be too hard since he hates me._

Brian killed Quagmire the same way he killed Peter. He then came back to the Griffin house.

"Okay, let's get married now." Lois said happily.

They got married on the wing of a flying airplane. It was the most dangerous wedding ever. It also cut costs by doubling as a honeymoon since that plane was traveling to Florida.

When they arrived in Florida, the entire state sank under the sea due to the weight of all the tourists all taking a vacation there at the same time.

"Let's never go to Florida again," Brian vowed as he dried himself off, Lois doing the same. As Lois dried herself, her boobs jiggled up and down.

"Man, I wanna go to a beach but any beach we go to will likely sink underneath the aggregate weight of so many tourists, drowning us."

So they went to a playground, carrying burlap sacks, and stole a bunch of sand. The newlywed couple were both wearing all black shirts and pants and balaclavas. And then they went to a public pool carrying the sacks of sand, and poured it all over the pool deck.

"Hooray, now we're at the beach!" Lois changed into her swimsuit and that moment all Brian could think about was how sexy she looked. And then he imagined how much sexier she must have looked in that one universe where Meg was hot. "I wanna go back!" Brian thought out loud.

"Beg pardon?" Lois said, eyes narrowed. She already looked plenty fanservice in her swimsuit. No wonder Quagmire would have been happy to hear about Peter's death so he could have her.

"Be right back. I gotta find out something real quick."

Brian ran out of the public pool and hurried back home to Quahog.

"Stewie, do you still have that apparatus that allows you to travel to different universes?"

"Oh yeah, it's right here," just as Stewie produced it, Brian snatched it out of his hand and traveled to the universe where Meg was hot. His jaw dropped at how different everyone looked. Meg looked how she did on the show during that episode, Chris was handsome and fit, and so was Peter, but Lois was absolutely gorgeous. Sure enough, Stewie's prophecy came true. Brian's penis rocketed off of his body (if there was an actual episode, his penis would have been censored via filling it with rainbow stripes like the dick ship episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force). It landed in this universe's Stewie's throat. He was choking on it.

"Oh my science, Stewie!" He did the Heimlich maneuver on Stewie and superglued his penis back on. He then put it in a wheelchair cuz it needed it. He continued staring at Lois. He was not used to her extreme beauty. Even not in a revealing swimsuit, she still looked much hotter than in his regular universe. You, the viewer could not imagine how hot she looked in this universe. Think of it this way. If you're a guy with a girlfriend or are married, imagine someone infinitely prettier than your lover. No matter who you are, Lois in this universe is prettier than you. If you tried to get up to her level of beauty, you would die trying. She was an Eldritch Abomination of pure prettiness.

"I'm sorry for thinking lustful thoughts about you, I should know better... oh, right." Brian said awkwardly. He momentarily forgot he was married to her now. "I wanna make love." Brian declared.

"Um, okay. I think bestiality would be a new and exciting experience for me."

When Lois took off all her clothes off, Brian was blushing so hard his cheeks erupted into fountains of blood and vomited. "It was worth it," he commented. "I wanna stay in this universe forever."

When Brian woke up, he found himself in his own universe. Lois looked the same ol' same ol'.

"You're not hot anymore, Lois. You're ugly." Brian said bluntly.

"Stewie, what the hell?" Brian demanded.

"I gotta kill Lois, so we can be together forever, my sweet Brian." Stewie said creepily. He shot Lois in the head at least eight hundred times. She was dead.

"Well, Lois is no longer hot in this universe, so just as well." Brian said non-chalantly.

Stewie got down on one knee and popped the question.

"Yes I will, Stewie."

"Yay!" Stewie jumped up and down and squealed like a middle school girl at a One Direction concert.

They got married while train surfing, again to cut costs for their honeymoon. This time they decided not to go to Florida. They decided to go to Antarctica.

"Eh, too cold." Stewie got out the universe teleporter. "Let's be like Sliders for our honeymoon instead." They got transported to the universe where Brian was dead and they replaced Brian with Vinnie.

"Whoops, didn't mean to take us here..." Stewie said. "Apparently this is the universe where... BRIAN, GET OUT OF THE WAY!" A car was coming fast toward Brian. Stewie hit the button just before the car hit Brian.

"I couldn't get out of the way. I was like stuck there."

"I have a feeling I know why. This is the universe where we were playing street hockey and you got run over so we had to get another dog."

"Another dog?"

"Yup."

"Where are we going?" Brian asked anxiously.

"To get my time machine back. There should be a universe somewhere here where I didn't destroy my time machine. Ah, here we are."

After Brian died and Stewie went back in time to save his life, he picked up his time machine and hit the button to return to his own universe.

"With this time machine, death is a slap on the wrist because every time someone important dies, I can just go back in time to save their life. I don't have to be careful or sad anymore!" Stewie bragged.

He returned to his own universe with his time machine. To test his theory, he shot Meg several times until she fell over dead. He then went back in time to before she died, and stopped himself from shooting her to death. She lived.

"Let's bring back Lois and Peter." Brian suggested. "I think it would make Meg and Chris happy."

When Brian returned to the present, Peter and Lois were alive again. Brian then felt a pang of sadness. He might never get to enjoy making love to her hot body ever again. So he killed Peter again.

"Brian? It was YOU who killed Peter? Oh my god, BAD DOG!" Lois scolded. Brian and Stewie went back in time and brought Peter back to life.

"I forgot what I was mad about just now but whatever it was, I'm over it," Lois said.

When Spring came, a new roller coaster came out at Seven Flags that there was an advertisement for.

"HEY BRIAN, COME DOWN!" Stewie yelled. Brian came running downstairs, tail wagging.

"The Devillator, new at Seven Flags Quahog. The scariest, most dangerous, most intense roller coaster on the planet. If you've had coitus, it is boring compared to this ride. Come ride the Devillator cuz YOLO." The advertisement bellowed.

"I haven't been this excited since my own death."

**CUTAWAY**

Stewie found himself on the rack, bed to death with his limbs being torn off, and found himself floating up to heaven. "Wait, how do I know what my death will be like?"

**END CUTAWAY**

"Brian, I need you to help me with something. Can you help me carry this time machine downstairs?"

"Why?"

"Because we are gonna make the term YOLO meaningless. We're gonna bring my time machine to Seven Flags. One of us will guard it while the other gets in line to ride the Devillator. The person riding the Devillator will wriggle out of the restraints and ride like a free bird, standing up, and then eventually jump out. After that, the person guarding the time machine will go back and prevent them from dying." Stewie explained.

"Sounds good," Brian agreed.

They uneasily carried the time machine, maneuvering it carefully down the stairs and through the front door, and then into Brian's car. Brian drove to Seven Flags and almost crashed into a long line of park guests.

When they got out, they headed for the park entrance, while working together to carry the 300 lb time machine. When they got to the entrance, they were denied.

"WHAT?" Stewie almost sang.

"Back of the line. Not only is this the line to get into the park but it's also merged into the line for the Devillator." The Devillator was way at the back of the park.

"OH COME ON!" Brian pouted.

6 hours later, they got into the park. "Finally," the sighed in relief.

"Rock paper scissors. I win," Stewie bragged when he won. He got in line for the Devillator while Brian guarded the time machine.

Another 6 hours later, when Stewie got to the front of the line...

"Not nearly tall enough. You have to be 54 inches tall to ride. You're only one foot, four inches. That doesn't even cut it."

An angry Stewie stormed away from the ride queue area.

"The fuckin ride op told me I wasn't tall enough. I'm traveling to the future to when I am tall enough."

Stewie traveled to the future about 12 years. He was still his short 1 foot 4 inch tall self. "And I'm still one year old." Stewie said bitterly. 62 years later, he was still one year old, and one foot four inches.

He then traveled back to the present.

"So much for that. No matter how far in the future I am, I'm still the same age and the same height." He went back in time, dragging Brian with him. "I need you in case this idea fails."

"But I was about to go ride it. Curse you, Stewie."

They found themselves in Medieval Europe. "THERE IS NO GOD," Stewie yelled. Sure enough, some complete monster hardcore priest escorted him to a torture chamber and put him on the rack. The guy cranked the handle, stretching Stewie's limbs out of their sockets. Even with that, he was nowhere near 54 inches. "Drat," Stewie spat. His limbs came off and he died of blood loss.

"Screw this, I'm outta here," Brian traveled back to the present and rode the Devillator just in time for the park to close afterward. "That was better than sex with Lois."

After Brian went to bed that night, Quagmire broke in and hacked Brian to pieces, stuffed them into a crematorium, dropped a nuclear warhead on the remaining ashes, and mailed each individual ash to a different galaxy. He also did the same thing to Stewie's device that transports him to different universes and then Stewie's time machine so he could never be brought back. "This was for pinning your crimes on me and being a douche!" After that, no one dared to take the least bit of any risk anymore since they didn't have a time machine to use as a real life emulator load state function.

Vinny was here to stay now and hereafter. A month later everyone forgot about Brian, and they all loved Vinny at least as much as Brian. Lois had another baby that was half human, half dog, to be Stewie's replacement, for now and forever.


End file.
